Don’t read this on your lunch break
January 12th, 2011 @ 2:11 pm |
Filed: My glamourous life | Tags:
My family has evolved into Restaurant Eating Folks. We didn’t start out that way, we only used to go out to eat after church on Sundays, but over the years as the kids moved out my mom has developed an affection for dining out. Why cook and, worse, clean up when you can pay others to do it for you? We’re not lazy, we’re contributing to the economic recovery.
As such, my nephews are generally well-behaved in restaurants; they’ve had lots of experience.
Saturday evening’s dinner out at a seafood chain (who shall remain nameless and blameless) started off just fine, aside from one boy’s mad dash for the fire exit, the door of which proclaims in BIG RED LETTERS that an alarm will sound when opened, and another boy’s rapid ascent up an empty chair located below the BRIGHT RED fire alarm which enticed said boy.
The threat of civil penalties for tampering with lifesaving equipment that are not toys assuaged, we sat down for a lovely meal. Then boy one decides he has to go potty! And so does boy two. (What is it about dining out that induces bodily functions in children? If you ask if they have to go potty at home it’s all NOOOOOO! But there’s nothing more fun for a child than visiting a restaurant bathroom. Whee!) Being a good aunt, I voluntarily lead them back through the restaurant to the bathroom. Business is completed quickly and efficiently and we return to the table.
A few bites into our entrees, the boys decide they have to use the facilities again. I called nose-goes and their mother took her turn. Time passes. A LOT of time passes. We wonder what happened. That’s when our childhood friend Katie, a waitress at the restaurant, rushes to the table.
“Steph needs your mom right away. Something about throwing up or poop or something. I don’t know.”
Now, boy one has a very, very sensitive gag reflex, so we figured he was responsible. We were wrong.
As the merry, bladder-empty group opened the door to exit the restroom, a lady rushed in an VOMITED on nephew one. She said something about the food and proceeded to clean herself up. My sister cleaned the lady’s puke off of my nephew as best as she could then turned to leave. That’s when boy one slipped and fell back into the puke. He was covered in vomit. Meanwhile the lady stood at the sink and avoided eye contact.
The staff at the restaurant was wonderful - they helped clean up the nephew and gave us a generous discount on the food. They even gave the nephew two aprons to wear around his waist so he wouldn’t have to finish his meal pantsless, which was really his only option - his pants were covered. (He thought he was pretty cool stuff when he finally got back to the table. Which is good because we thought he would be embarrassed. Nope, he was all, “Look at me, guys!! Some lady threw up on me, then I fell in it. Haha!” Boys.)
Meanwhile, the vomiter quietly slipped out of the bathroom and returned to her table without saying a word to my sister or anyone at the restaurant who had to clean up her regurgitated dinner.
Moral of the story: when you throw up on a little kid, don’t be an asshole. Apologize.
(Postscript: Katie posted on Facebook the next day that she got a speeding ticket on the way to work. I couldn’t resist commenting that at least someone hadn’t thrown up on her. Who’s the asshole now?)
January 12th, 2011 @ 11:55 pm
Oh my gosh! This is SO GROSS!
Even if the kids didn’t care, you poor mommies/aunts/grandmas for cleaning them up! YUCK! I gag easily, and let me tell you, if someone threw up on my kid, I would heave right back on them.
(serves them right