archives: June 2008
Defining Salad
June 30th, 2008 @ 6:59 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: My glamourous life | Tags:
This being my tenth day on the road, I decided to take it easy on my poor, overfed body and ordered the salad and baked potato combination for dinner at Bob Evans. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but I’m a “selectarian” and rarely eat meat (usually only at fine establishments like McDonalds or Taco Bell) and only eat eggs when mixed in something (like cakes). It’s a texture thing that I’ve been harassed about dealt with since childhood.
Heads up: most family dining establishments don’t offer a wide array of selectarian-friendly fare. And the veggie food they do offer usually is lacking in good nutrition, e.g. pasta alfredo, fried eggplant, grilled cheese.
Tonight’s salad featured three cups of lettuce mix (iceberg lettuce, shredded carrots and red cabbage), three grape tomatoes and a quarter cup of croûtons. I’m brutally blunt, so when the manager asked how everything was, I complimented the delicious ranch avocado dressing and then remarked that the salad was a little lacking. He looked at me like I had two heads. In Bob Evans wold, cucumbers, onions, peppers and cheese are delicacies to be used only for actors, dignitaries and royalty. Guess they don’t know I was the dairy queen.
But don’t worry, I finished off my healthy meal with a hot fudge sundae. I looove dairy!
Fruity
June 26th, 2008 @ 8:48 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: Pomdering | Tags: Pennsylvania, travel
I’m traversing the Pennsylvania countryside this week and I really, really wish I had a photo card reader or a USB cord to upload photos of the things I’ve seen. There have been lots of HOTT boys (a whole bus load was going to Bowie, Md. I don’t know why either.), a broken toe and tractor trailers hooked up to bright yellow things that we guessed were to air condition the cabs. Please use the following to paint a mental picture of the highlight so far:
“Why would anyone want that much fruit on their shoes?”
“Why would anyone want fruit on their shoes, period?”
Pennsylvania Truck Stop Fashion: Your One-Stop Shop for Fruit Encrusted Flip Flops. Seriously, there were fat, green grapes dangling from the flip flop strap, complete with a bumble bee. If grapes aren’t your thing, they also sell a pepper variety.
Like tots but different
June 25th, 2008 @ 8:06 am | Comments (0)
Filed: Pomdering | Tags: kids say the darndest things, overheard
“They’re like French fries for breakfast,” I just overheard a father say to his young son.
“This is the best day of my life!” the son replied.
Take a minute today to reflect on the good old days when discovering home fries on the Holiday Inn breakfast buffet was like winning the jackpot of life.
Big, Fat Zero
June 20th, 2008 @ 7:55 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: Uncategorized | Tags:
I was chatting with a couple of 40-something coworkers while we waited for the clock to strike 11 and our tour would begin. Someone brought up weight loss and gain, and after being reprimanded again by one for losing to much weight, another tells a story about her two daughters. One recently graduated from high school and put on a few pounds since she stopped cheer leading. The younger daughter picked out a pair of shorts for her sister but even though they were a size bigger than she normally wore, the shorts were too tight and my coworker was going to make the girls return them.
So the soon-to-be college freshman decided to cut out the mindless eating and tried the shorts back on after two weeks.
“I couldn’t believe it,” coworker said. “After cutting out what little extra food she ate, she’d lost that weight and the shorts fit perfectly.
“Although she is a little upset that the shorts are a zero. She used to be a double-zero.”
I was so excited the first time I put on a pair of zero pants, even with the one in front of said zero.
Weekend Wrap Up: Fighting Back Tears Edition
June 16th, 2008 @ 8:21 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: My glamourous life | Tags:
- When Matt Lauer’s voice broke at the bottom of the 9 a.m. hour of a special edition of Saturday Today, tears sprung to my eyes. So long, Tim Russert. Hope you’re surrounded by the Bills and white boards in Heaven.
- P.S. I Love You. Those letters! That accent! Those shoes! Oh my stars! Do guys like Gerry actually exist? Future blog about Cecelia Ahern to come because she is amazing.
- I opened the door and my nephew rushed into my arms. I scooped him up and gave him a big hug. I pull back and look at his face when he leans in and touches his lips to mine, the first unsolicited kiss made my eyes cloud over. He claps when you say, “Good job, Dylan!” He reaches for the stars when you ask, “How big?” He has my heart.
- Then there were the many moments Saturday and Sunday spent agonizing over the state of my sister’s life. She walked out on her husband, her house, her job and has set up house with a new guy, in a new city with no income and rent and car payments to make. She’s too germaphobic to walk barefoot in a gas station bathroom, but she’s only a public head shaving away from going completely the way of Britany Spears and I don’t know how to stop the downward spiral. Her life is a web of lies but in her mind everyone else is at fault. She’s fine, she says. She’s not crazy. She doesn’t need help. What can I do?
Impressions at Night
June 13th, 2008 @ 11:49 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: Philly | Tags:
City lights at night can make or break a city. Dim lighting hides what is dingy, dirty and degraded during the day, making nighttime stroll through the city enchanting, endearing and engaging. The Philadelphia skyline is beautiful. Not too tall and interesting enough to keep you interested. It masks the homeless men, curled up on stoops and over grates. Neon lights beckon you to the neighborhood bar which might look skeevy on the outside but is actually quite charming beyond the front door.
I lived outside D.C. for nearly three years and some of my favorite memories took place after dark. The Vietnam Memorial should only be experienced after twilight, when the dark shadows mingle with the spotlights to make the statues even more haunting.
As for the show:
- Hal Sparks should cut his hair. But he’s dang funny.
- Chris Bonno isn’t very funny. The local guy who opened/hosted was way funnier.
- $4 is highway robbery for Michelob Ultra.
Papa John’s whole wheat pizza crust is delicious. Especially after two drinks at T.A. Flannery.
Brought to you by the letter ZZ
June 13th, 2008 @ 6:02 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: Philly | Tags:
I’m off for a night on the town and to see Hal Sparks, who I’m sure will dazzle. I plan to indulge in a fizzy drink or two, perhaps one with a swizzle stick. I hope our seats aren’t on the mezzanine, but really, it’s a comedy club in Philly… doubt there is such a thing. Either way, I’m going to put a little pizaazz in the city of brotherly love with my littlest sister.
(This post is for you, Slice of Pink.)
Cuts Like a Knife
June 12th, 2008 @ 8:04 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: Celebrities | Tags:
I know it’s not feasible to constantly watch what you say as you live your life, in the off chance that you might hurt someone or make her uncomfortable. However, I can’t believe Jennifer Aniston didn’t cringe just a little when she heard this.
Angelina Jolie says being pregnant has its perks.
“It’s great for the sex life,” she tells Entertainment Weekly magazine. “It just makes you a lot more creative. So you have fun, and as a woman you’re just so round and full.”
Source: Todayshow.com
Like money? Whip up a smoothie!
June 12th, 2008 @ 9:36 am | Comments (0)
Filed: Cows | Tags: contest
I was cruising across the Ben Franklin Bridge toward the Garden State when I heard a thump and then an obnoxious, annoying rattling sound started to drown out the Prime Country streaming from my new Sirius radio. Technical automotive speak that I don’t understand aside, something that attaches the top of my car’s strut to the car broke or something. In any event, it’s going to cost a few Benjamins, especially when I discovered that I need to also have a wheel bering (or something) replaced.
When my shiny Economic Stimulus Check arrived, I had grand plans of bucking the trend and deposited it into my savings account. Now the money will be used to make my car less noisy so I can hear the radio on which I just dropped $200-plus.
If you’re in need of $1,000, check out this contest that rewards you for creating the best smoothie ever.
You can enter at www.whymilk.com. I can’t win, but you can!
Oh! That’s what it means!
June 11th, 2008 @ 3:00 pm | Comments (1)
Filed: My glamourous life | Tags:
“Excuse me, what is the soup du jour?”
“That means soup of the day, ma’am,” the waiter replied.
Huh. How ’bout that.
Oh! That’s what it means!
June 11th, 2008 @ 3:00 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: My glamourous life | Tags:
“Excuse me, what is the soup du jour?”
“That means soup of the day, ma’am,” the waiter replied.
Huh. How ’bout that.
Why my middle name is Grace
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:46 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: My glamourous life, Uncategorized | Tags:
A Jeep rushed down the farm lane kicking up clouds of dust in its wake. I spot it and rush across the verdant grass to direct the driver to a parking spot out of the way of forklifts and tractors. I smile at the reporter walking toward me and suddenly the Earth is rushing at me.
We were gathered to commence the final stage of a major project at work. On a dairy farm. During the early June heatwave. My task of the moment was to keep the cars out of the way of the farm’s daily operations.
As I pranced across the front yard of the mustard-colored farmhouse, my right foot found a round hole bored into the slight hillside bordering the lane. I went flying into the lane, sliding on my elbow, hip and knee, successfully covering my right side in beige dirt that becomes speckled with red blood. In front of two reporters, three coworkers and various and sundry onlookers.
Luckily the guy in the Jeep was the photographer and he was too busy parking next to the other cars to capture my fall with(out) grace on film (or digital, in this day and age).
What did you do to embarrass yourself today?
PS-My middle name isn’t Grace, but it would fit. I’m currently sporting a bruise on my left hip from when I ran into the kitchen doorway yesterday as I tried to squeeze past the cleaning man, swollen toes on my left foot from when I jammed them into the ottoman in my living room, a scratch from the mini-blind that attacked me, unexplained bruises on my left knee and right thigh and the bruises and gravel pockmarks from today’s incident.
In Which I Confess to Watching Bad Reality TV
June 9th, 2008 @ 7:58 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: Gone Country, I heart TV | Tags:
I’m caught between a rock and a hard place tonight: The Bachelorette or Nashville Star?
It used to be what set me apart from the rest of my family, my very vocal dislike of country music. That, combined with a bad attitude, was my form of rebellion during the rough teen years. (I know, other kids do drugs and get knocked up. I hate country music.)
While my mom was schlepping my sisters to the JCC for Friday night country line dancing, I was sitting at home, doing I can’t really remember what. But I certainly was NOT listening to country music, much less dancing along.
But then I had to take country line dancing during gym class and… I kind of really liked it. So I started listening to more George Strait and less Green Day. Today I’m 100 percent country.
I haven’t been dedicated to Nashville Star in the past, partly because of no cable, but I recall it was on at a weird time. Now that it’s on NBC I can watch it! BUT! I’m invested in The Bachelorette. Who will receive the final rose? Will there be a proposal? Why does Deanna break down tonight? However, the king of the country line dance, Mr. Billy Ray Cyrus, is hosting Nashville Star. The two shows overlap by an hour.
That’s right. While other people are struggling to put food on the table or maintain the roof that protects that table from the elements, my biggest concern is which reality TV show I should watch. I’ll shut up now.
Close Encounters of the Dating Kind
June 5th, 2008 @ 7:26 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: My glamourous life | Tags:
I hear stories all the time about people who go on blind dates arranged by their friends and/or family, but no one has ever really offered that service to me. (Maybe I should be grateful. Most stories end with less happily ever after and more trainwreck.) From time to time, a family member or friend will suggest a guy that I should date but I’m relieved to say that these pipe dreams have never materialized.
My mom thought a guy working for them was the perfect guy for me. He was (is?) Mennonite but I have an aversion to wearing long denim skirts. My mom pooh-poohed that concern and insisted that we were perfect for each other. My dad disagreed. “He’s kind of overweight,” he said. With an endorsement like that, I was never gung-ho. The real deal breaker came a few weeks after I first heard of Wes. He had a mental break down and that was the last we heard from him.
Then there was the guy offered up by my roommate’s “friend.” Rich’s nephew was a few years younger than Rich and had a daughter. The daughter was conceived with a woman who had been involved with a guy who killed his parents and brother and kept their bodies in a house for more than a year. Sorry, I don’t think I’ll get involved with anyone with those connections.
This weekend, my brother-in-law tried to convince me to date his coworker. The coworker is in his mid-40s and lives with his mother.
“But he’s rich!” Jake said. “The guys at work told me he makes like $12,000 a month in interest on all his savings accounts. You really should give him a chance.”
I was talking with my much older and wiser friend Bean today and, as our conversations are wont to do, the topic turned to matters of the heart. Bean’s second husband passed away two years ago and she mentioned that she’s looking for a rich man to set her up for a life of luxury when she retires in six months. I mentioned the machinist recommended by Jake, honing in on the $12,000 monthly interest payments.
“No, you don’t want to date him,” Bean said. “He has dirty nails.”
Beggars are Choosers
June 3rd, 2008 @ 6:39 pm | Comments (0)
Filed: Uncategorized | Tags:
Molly wrote a post today praising her Momma and listing 100 things she’s learned from her.
9. Sometimes ice cream before dinner is OK.
June is National Dairy Month, today I helped create a 90-gallon ice cream sundae to commemorate one of the best holidays ever. (I don’t agree with Molly’s #40.) I think I’ve successfully ruined a pair of khaki capris and I kind of smell like warm milk.
The best part of the day was observing the inane things people do when you hand out free stuff. First, a bottled tea company decided to crash our event and hand out cans of their newest tea to our audience. During Dairy Month! For which another company that has a successful and popular line of teas donated ice cream and toppings!
Our servings were VERY generous (too generous in my opinion) but people kept asking for smaller dishes. And they asked if we could possibly give them another flavor, they don’t like vanilla. Or could you please find me some caramel? It’s my favorite topping, I’m not much for chocolate or strawberry. And could you ditch the pecans next year? I’m allergic. I’m betting next year someone asks us to include a disclaimer: Allergy Alert! This ice cream sundae contains milk.
People, people. It’s free. Eat it and like it. And please repeat, it pays my bills.
As the special people made opening comments, a man wearing a priest’s collar tapped me on the shoulder to ask if he could possibly get a sundae before everyone else because he had a meeting in a few minutes. We hadn’t even finished constructing the sundae and there was a group of 50 elementary students standing right beside him that probably would have rioted had I given him ice cream but not them. I denied a man of the cloth ice cream. I’m probably going to hell.
But my, that ice cream before lunch was delicious!
